It’s started rough and got rougher, by time you realize you are at the bottom you don’t know what the real issues are. So you forgive, yourself, your parents, your family, your friends, your ex’s, and everyone you can possible think of!! After all the forgiveness, you gotta learn to love yourself- with all the trauma that has built you into who you are. The good, the bad & the ugly, no matter what especially the things you don’t like! In order to gain a true love for self you must accept it all!! You get to that point of acceptance of yourself and your position in this life!! All of a sudden Beautiful things begin to happen, you get a good job, relationship with family and friends become more open and things begin to come into place. There just one thing missing love! You wonder if you are open to it truly, can you remove the wall and allow someone one in. You begin to dream of that special person & all of the quality you need to balances you, inspires you, & excites you all at the same time! In the back of your mind you think ain’t no one that perfect! One day you meet someone in a way you feel is so random but they know what to say to make you comfortable, check every single mark on the list you dreamed up in your head. You start to feel like you hit the lottery and then it’s your inability to be vulnerable kills it all!!

*New Flash* I didn’t know that was a requirement!!

Then it hit me Just Like An Epiphany

I wasn’t even being a Woman, I was competing with men! I will not blame bad experience with men, or the fact my father was in & out my life because truth is I took the need to be equal and went ball to the wall with it!! I always wanted to be able to have the freedom of boys growing up, to get dirty, climb trees, walk around in the summer with no shirt on ( this is age 8 ) but growing up girls needed to be clean and pretty! Of course teen years made it worse because I just didn’t feel like other girl for a number of reasons. At this stage in my life I never thought twice about it until I loss my dream! It was crushing & one of the 1st times I’ve cried! 1st time I blamed myself & felt horrible about my behavior! At 1st I thought it was just me until I spoke to a friend & just listening to her express herself broke my heart!! I sounded just like her and if I was a man I wouldn’t have stayed either!! Broke my heart all over again, to this my inability to open up killed my prefect dream!! So I’m trying to open up & be more vulnerable! I may have missed this dream but no way in hell I’ll loss the next dream!!

 

Thank you reading this

Remember giving love is easy when you open 😍😍